If you think having a kid makes you re-evaluate your priorities in life, have an autistic kid (excuse me, "child with autism"). Absorbing the fact that your child has a life-long disorder suddenly makes you re-evaluate and re-order your priorities. Actually, having a child with autism meant my priorities were re-evaluated and re-ordered for me. The requirements of my son’s therapies meant that what was to be a temporary stay in California was beginning to look more and more permanent. All cultural snobbery aside, I really don't know anything about jacked-up trucks or dirt bikes, but now, most of my neighbors seemed to have one or both.
A bit more more troubling, however, was having to re-evaluate my fundamental beliefs about the nature of our existence. How do I, as a Catholic, make sense of autism? If I understand it correctly, Catholic doctrine would tell me that if my kid has autism, it is God’s will, there is no random suffering, and there is a purpose for it. If there is a purpose, it must have more to do with people around the child with autism. I mean, he didn’t do anything—the kid is a recent arrival. So the purpose behind God willing my child to have this condition must have something to do with other people, like me or his mom, maybe the grandparents, or cousins, uncles, friends, others-- who knows.... Maybe its so I can become more flexible and patient? In a less self-obsessed moment, I might even consider that maybe there are multiple reasons having nothing to do with me, and I'm just here for the ride.
Perhaps if I were more than a Christmas Catholic I’d have the faith and religious processing power to accept this as enough of an answer. Or maybe religion is the problem. If I were an atheist, I could just regard my son's autism as a biological function gone awry, an error in DNA sequencing, an off-day for a zygote.
But having had to give up the notion of rationality and some sort of higher purpose amongst the flesh and blood powers-that-be that run our government, I don't think I am quite ready to do the same for the universe. Instead, maybe what I need is a whole new spiritual belief system to help me deal with this autism thing. Let’s see, how would I think about my son's autism if I embraced...
Agnosticism: My kid has autism, but I am not sure if its real.
Buddhism: My kid has autism but I am only suffering about it because I don’t want him to have autism.
Calvinism: My son has autism, but that’s just because I didn’t work hard enough to avoid it.
Existentialism: What is autism anyway?
Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock. Hello... anyone home? C'mon, say something...
Rastafarianism: Medical marijuana for autism now!
Seventh Day Adventist: My son has autism, except on Saturdays.
Stoicism: My son has autism, but its no surprise.
Taoism: My son has autism. Nice weather we're having!
Zen: What is the sound of one kid with autism not talking?
Actually, my son does talk now. And thinking more about it, maybe its less about religion and more about culture. Its hard to get solace from any religion when you live in a culture that is built on individual acquisitions and regards the disabled as people to be pitied. Its hard to suddenly step out of all that. I have to remind myself that what I would have wanted for my son had he been born typical is that he be a happy and self-sufficient member of the community. He can still have that.
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